Motherlode why i wont adopt

I made the mistake of reading the comments afterwards which is usually a mistake, but I'm sure I saw a few familiar names representing a more balanced view of the typical adoption narrative. Regular Motherlode readers have already met Anita Tedaldi, who blogs at ovolina. She has written a few guest posts about being a military spouse. But she has never before written anything like this.

You can read the whole article here. Assistant professor at UW Tacoma, writer, and researcher. View all posts by JaeRan. Five small children and a husband who is frequently deployed? Add in a special needs child with potential language and attachment issues and you have a recipe for disaster. Even though the children they place may have more serious special needs than children from domestic foster care.

My husband and I recently adopted from Korea. I would say our screening process was semi-thorough; we did talk about a lot of possible difficulties and how we would handle them. What I think was missing was actually meeting and discussing these potential problems with families that had actually experienced them.

Imagine standing with your mom in a group of strangers and all of a sudden she starts bragging about the one thing that makes you different. They operated twice, but if you look carefully her left eye is off center and never quite looks right at you. Talking about adoption can be a tricky thing. It has only come so far out of the shadows from the days when it was never discussed except in hushed tones. Decades ago, adoption was often the option of last resort, to take in a child not born to you, then bury the secret and cover it with a layer of concrete for good measure.

Decades of studies and opinions have thankfully, and rightly, led to sweeping changes in the adoption culture. Birth mothers, more often than not, now have a hand in choosing prospective adoptive parents and staying in touch with them as the child grows. But there is still an air of mystery to adoption. Adoption was my first choice to become a mother. And yes, I wanted children of my own and I got one. My son is my own. DNA is just a bunch of code living in our cells.

He is mine and I am his. Doctors informed the Athertons Misty would need several surgeries and life-long care. If she went home to Haiti she would die. The Athertons persuaded Misty's Haitian birth mother to let them adopt her even though they knew Misty could be a vegetable the rest of her life. Misty has had six heart surgeries, 15 heart catheterizations and developed diabetes. From her struggles, she has difficulty learning to read, write and understand math. But Misty is alive. She beat the odds.

Cami, the Athertons' youngest child, was born in Arizona in Her birth mother was only 26 weeks along, had no prenatal care, used drugs during her pregnancy, and waited three days to go to the hospital after her water broke.

Cami weighed less than two pounds when she was born. When Bob and Chris first saw their little girl they feared holding her because they had never seen a baby, let alone hold one that small. They spent a month and a half rocking Cami in the hospital. When she was released, she came with a large Infant CPR poster to put above her crib and an apnea monitor that would sound an alarm if the infant stopped breathing.

Cami survived. We struggle like everyone else and cry like everyone else. He had, apparently, been given away at the age of 5 to a family that made him sleep on cold floors, fetch water and do housework. He was rescued by an elderly woman, who took him to a Buddhist temple to live with monks.

While in the monastery, he attended a village school, where officials discovered he had a heart murmur requiring surgery. The monks turned to the International Human Assistance Program. Kim Sung Doo would be sent to Phoenix. His story featured little Kim Sung Doo. DeBruhl followed Kim Sung Doo through his daily routine. They all truly loved Jay," DeBruhl said in an interview. When it was finally time to leave for Phoenix, DeBruhl said, the monks had what seemed like a heated conversation.

The interpreter said the monks wanted DeBruhl to find a home for the child. One girl's behavioral issues intensified in high school, and rehab and therapy didn't help. Once in Arizona, the little boy underwent a successful surgery and moved in with the Athertons to recover. The plan was to return him to Korea once he was healthy. In the meantime, DeBruhl continued to search for a home for the child. When following up with Bob and Chris about Jay's recovery, DeBruhl said the couple told him they adored the little boy.

DeBruhl asked the Athertons if they wanted to adopt the boy. The Athertons jumped at the opportunity. In , they formally adopted the 9-year-old boy who would now be known as Jay Atherton. Jay was successful in school. He earned a graduate degree in Architecture from the University of California, Berkeley. He returned to Arizona where he now works at an architectural firm.

A heart-wrenching decision. There aren't always happy endings. The Athertons made one heart-wrenching decision when they asked one daughter to leave home.

They had adopted this daughter in as a healthy infant. But, like Zac, she struggled with behavioral issues from the time she was a child, Chris said. Those behavioral issues intensified in high school, and rehab and therapy didn't help. Troubles for the girl, who could not be reached for comment, didn't just occur at home.

According to Maricopa County Superior Court records, since the girl was found guilty of shoplifting, driving without a license, theft and false reporting to a law enforcement officer.

In November, a warrant was issued for her arrest on possession of drug paraphernalia charge. Chris and Bob had asked their daughter to leave after she was caught playing with a gun she'd obtained in their yard. They feared for the safety of the other children. Their daughter has not returned home. They don't know where she lives, but hope the girl will get the mental helps she needs.

It is only noon on this October day, but Chris stands in her mint-green kitchen preparing dinner. It is the only time she has to prepare dinner for those who are eating at home tonight. This explains her love of crockpots. Chris is alone at home. The family's adopted cat Journey sunbathes in the light shining through the window onto the kitchen table. Show tunes, country and pop stream though speakers as Chris works. The silence is broken when grown daughters Becca and Dana return from running errands.

Dana takes off for her room. Becca pulls an Orange Crush soda from a white plastic Walmart bag, puts it in the fridge, says she couldn't enjoy the drink in the car because it needed a bottle opener.

Chris stops making dinner and grabs a silver bottle opener from a drawer, reaches back in the fridge, opens the bottle. Becca smiles and takes the drink from her mother. After swatting the cat off the table, Chris and Becca sit in the dining area for a few minutes. Dinner needs to be finished, laundry needs to be put in the dryer and a book-fair order still needs to be completed.